Dave Grohl is Awesome

Why I love Dave Grohl:

Seriously his balls must be made of titanium, with pubes of perfect white gold. This man rocks, and rocks with such authority that you stand up and take notice and you enjoy that rock.

When Dave Grohl was born, I bet his guardian angel needed earplugs to block out the heavan-sent rock aura that surrounds Dave Grohl. He has a psychadelic halo, and this is true absolute fact because a gypsy outside of Fort Myers told me so.

When Dave Grohl was 7 years old a bully pushed him up against a wall and demanded his lunch money. Dave Grohl responded by imediately thumping the rhythm of "Wipeout" all over the bully's face with his little seven-year-old fists until the bully had wet poops streaming down his legs. From that day forward, Dave Grohl brought peace to kids at school.

Dave Grohl probably doesn't remember the first song he wrote, but I bet it was some awe-inspiring ruckus mixing the best parts from "We Will Rock You" and the theme from the A-Team into one huge, messy hella-rock extravaganza.

Dave Grohl, I'm talking directly to you right now, you are righteous.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dave Grohl once rocked a see-through guitar! Can your mind even handle how awesome that is? Probably not. You probably can't even beging to comprehend how rock-amazing Dave Grohl is because you're probably sitting at home sipping Earl Grey and listening to Glen Miller Orchestra.

While you wallow away in your own pathetic, lackluster life petting your stupid cats, Dave Grohl makes out with rabid rotweillers just to prove a point. He tames them. He pulls out a see-through guitar, he starts rocking it while also using his feet on his kick drum and hi-hat, and just rocks the shit out of those rabid, killer beasts until they are calm and docile and amazing.

But those dogs would still tear the crap out of your stupid cats because Dave Grohl wills it.

The best part about Dave Grohl is that he's not all rock-your-face-off all of the time. No, no, no my friends. Dave Grohl knows how to woo the ladies as well. He can go up to a gentle sweetheart like Norah Jones and be like, "let's collaborate," and Norah Jones is totally helpless. She's like, "Yes, Dave Grohl. If you will it, let it be so."

And then, just to prove his point, Dave Grohl puts it on his album. Wrap your minds around that.

When Prince covered a Foo Fighters' song at the superbowl, it made Prince instantly 25 times cooler and, a lot of people don't know this, the following things happened to prince that week:
1) He won two scratch-off games and got like 175 bucks
2) His car got 27 miles-per-gallon for the week, and normally it's around 24
3) Most American's forgot entirely who even played in the superbowl, but everyone loved Prince.

And that's all just because Prince publicly admitted that he loves Dave Grohl!

In a cage match, Dave Grohl could absolutely whoop Britney Spears.

When they toured together, Dave Grohl made Weezer look like the friggin' smurfs. And I like Weezer.

For breakfast, Dave Grohl likes to have two eggs, over medium, and whole wheat toast with spackle on it because THAT'S HOW HARDCORE DAVE GROHL IS! If you can even fathom it, he washes it down with a glass of Draino and then burps up amazing power-chords.