You aren't that good any more. And everyone else has moved on. Your teammates aren't as good as they used to be. Save yourself whatever dignity you have left and just retire, please.
Watching you play is like watching a three-legged dog trying to keep up at the dog park. Or watching those birds at the zoo with their wings clipped trying to fly. It's just sad.
2.02.2007
2.01.2007
Toothpaste
I think the mint industry should sue the toothpaste industry for giving everyone mint burnout. Toothpaste should come in flavors of things that aren't that good for us but that we like to eat. Imagine what a better place this world would be with lard or taco-bell flavored toothpaste.
Biden for Prez!
Maybe when Biden get's elected president he'll name Mel Gibson as our official diplomatic ambassador to Israel.
That's disgusting!
Sarah Silverman is dating Jimmy Kimmel? What? And has been for 4 1/2 years? What? What a waste?
I would expect Jimmy Kimmel to date either a) some sort of walrus, b) Anna Nicole, c) Elvis' daughter, or d) some ditzy, blond arm candy.
1.31.2007
Artists: Just say, "No!" to your own mediocrity!
The Shins are boring. They got on Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago and made me fall asleep. They should not claim to be all artistic and that their music is all good and stuff when, in reality, it is boring.
Also the way they dress makes me want to beat them up and take all of their lunch money.
Fallon sucks!
Garmin's got a superbowl ad, put together by Fallon, the super-agency. The ad is completely void of originality.
Read about Garmin's ad here: http://garmin.blogs.com/
Now look at this:
I have a real problem with the lack of originality here. This is a shame. Garmin is a great company that's totally been played by a lazy, unoriginal agency. Garmin's forking over a small fortune for a spot to run during the Super Bowl, and sadly it's going to come off as a lame attempt at achieving the same level of "cool" as this Pepto Bismol commercial.
Fallon sucks.
Note: Jimmy Fallon is still cool
Read about Garmin's ad here: http://garmin.blogs.com/
Now look at this:
I have a real problem with the lack of originality here. This is a shame. Garmin is a great company that's totally been played by a lazy, unoriginal agency. Garmin's forking over a small fortune for a spot to run during the Super Bowl, and sadly it's going to come off as a lame attempt at achieving the same level of "cool" as this Pepto Bismol commercial.
Fallon sucks.
Note: Jimmy Fallon is still cool
1.29.2007
The homeless
Sometimes I feel bad when homeless bums come up to me and say, "Hey man, I'm
just trying to get some bus fare," and I cut them off and say, "I don't have any cash."
Homeless bums should adapt to the times and accept my Visa Check Card. Then I would certainly pay their bus fare so that they would get out of here.
Sometimes when I'm in the car and I catch a red light right at a homeless bum intersection I feel bad that I don't have cash to give. At these times, I usually dig around in my car until I find something to give the homeless bum. Typically I give them something from my lunch. Something that my wife snuck in there that I don't even really want that much, like fruit or rice cakes or anheuser busch products.
I hope homeless bums like that stuff.
just trying to get some bus fare," and I cut them off and say, "I don't have any cash."
Homeless bums should adapt to the times and accept my Visa Check Card. Then I would certainly pay their bus fare so that they would get out of here.
Sometimes when I'm in the car and I catch a red light right at a homeless bum intersection I feel bad that I don't have cash to give. At these times, I usually dig around in my car until I find something to give the homeless bum. Typically I give them something from my lunch. Something that my wife snuck in there that I don't even really want that much, like fruit or rice cakes or anheuser busch products.
I hope homeless bums like that stuff.
1.26.2007
Miserable retail
The other day we had a harrowing experience at a Verizon Wireless store. Along with one of the business owners, I went to upgrade some phones to the new Motorola Q. On a previous visit, one of the salespersons had told us we could change one of the phones for the advertised price of $99.
These are the problems that we encountered at the Verizon Wireless store:
1) Ben, the individual helping us, did not stand up straight at all. Not only that, he didn't know what the hell he was doing and constantly had to ask some other guy for help.
2) "New Hire" was in training to learn and was standing around not doing anything. Ben was training him.
3) The most senior individual there who Ben kept asking for help ended up losing a sale because he couldn't deal with his own customer. He was really pissed, went in the back room, and screamed.
4) They would not upgrade our phones for the advertised price. Here we were, willing to spend money and upgrade our monthly plan (considerably, I might ad, VZW ain't cheap!), and they wouldn't do it.
5) They informed us that we would be totally out of contract in a few months, and we could renew then.
In short, they were completely inept, wouldn't take our money that we wanted to spend, couldn't find a way to sell us the phones we wanted, and told us how to get out of our contract. This is a retailer doing it all wrong. One of my favorite sites, Brand Autopsy, today asks the most important question about a retailer: Would you miss them if they were gone? In Verizon's case, no. I'd get someone else.
In a crowded marketplace such as cellular phones it is vital to stand out from the crowd. Technology is giving everyone a strong network and everyone great, cool phones. As soon as customer service starts to go, you've really got something to worry about.
These are the problems that we encountered at the Verizon Wireless store:
1) Ben, the individual helping us, did not stand up straight at all. Not only that, he didn't know what the hell he was doing and constantly had to ask some other guy for help.
2) "New Hire" was in training to learn and was standing around not doing anything. Ben was training him.
3) The most senior individual there who Ben kept asking for help ended up losing a sale because he couldn't deal with his own customer. He was really pissed, went in the back room, and screamed.
4) They would not upgrade our phones for the advertised price. Here we were, willing to spend money and upgrade our monthly plan (considerably, I might ad, VZW ain't cheap!), and they wouldn't do it.
5) They informed us that we would be totally out of contract in a few months, and we could renew then.
In short, they were completely inept, wouldn't take our money that we wanted to spend, couldn't find a way to sell us the phones we wanted, and told us how to get out of our contract. This is a retailer doing it all wrong. One of my favorite sites, Brand Autopsy, today asks the most important question about a retailer: Would you miss them if they were gone? In Verizon's case, no. I'd get someone else.
In a crowded marketplace such as cellular phones it is vital to stand out from the crowd. Technology is giving everyone a strong network and everyone great, cool phones. As soon as customer service starts to go, you've really got something to worry about.
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